you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
