Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
