I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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