My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Houston, we have a squirter
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
