we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
