So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
