i need an iv and a liver transplant
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
