Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
