you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We are all done wearing pants today
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
