Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It's never too late to be topless.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
