And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
