On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
