Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Blood and glitter go together right?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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