Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize