I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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