It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize