I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
