Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Come back. Shots need mouths.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
