they need to just BURY HIM!
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
