It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
