Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
