I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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