i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
