theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
