the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
