remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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