I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize