Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
