At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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