i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
