his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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