Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
