my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
