i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He did a backflip because drugs
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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