I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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