dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
