I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
