I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
