Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
