Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
