I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
