i think i have two assholes
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
