PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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