She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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