He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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