We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Randomize
