i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
