like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
