Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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