$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
