So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
