She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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