Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
