so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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