Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
