i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
