my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
