hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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