We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize