It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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