better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
