I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
