can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
