These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Randomize
