Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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