Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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