I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
