lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
