if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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