you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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