you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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