Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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