he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
