i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize